Thursday, October 04, 2007

The origin of liberals and Conservatives.

Here is a good one from the comments of "Pretend to Be All That You Can Be" one of Ann Coulter's articles on Human

By Clark Fultz, Fairbanks, Alaska:


Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history!

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to MAKE THEM ANGRY .


ISRA Alert - State Police Proposal Would Abolish...

ISRA Alert:
State Police Proposal Would Abolish Youth Hunting/Shooting/Gun Safety Programs

A proposal submitted by the Illinois State Police (ISP) to the Joint Committee on Administrative Rules (JCAR) would effectively eliminate participation in shooting activities by anyone under 10 years of age. The proposal, which would establish minimum age requirements for obtaining an Illinois Firearm Owner’s Identification Card (FOID), comes in the wake of an irresponsibly biased feature article that had appeared in a south suburban newspaper. In the article, the feature writer spun a near-satirical yarn about how easily his newborn son, ‘Bubba’ was able to obtain a FOID. Reaction to the article amongst anti-gun/anti-hunting forces was predictably hysterical. In response, Gov. Blagojevich's State Police issued a proposed change in the law which would set 10 years of age as the minimum age at which one could obtain a FOID.

To become effective, the ISP’s age-limit proposal must be approved by JCAR - an administrative body responsible for establishing regulations and implementing guidance for statutes signed into law by the governor. Prior to considering proposed regulations, JCAR must observe a 45-day public comment period during which citizens may submit their views on the proposal, in writing, to JCAR.

Of course, the ISRA is adamantly opposed to the ISP’s FOID age-limit proposal. More specifically, the ISRA seeks rejection of the proposal for the following reasons:

1. There is no practical purpose for establishing a minimum age-limit for FOID cards. The ISP, and others, claim that setting a minimum age for acquiring a FOID would reduce violent crime and firearm accidents. Yet, the fact of the matter is, nobody under the age of 18, FOID or no FOID, can purchase a firearm in Illinois. Furthermore, nobody under the age of 21 may purchase a handgun in Illinois. On the matter of firearm safety, childhood deaths from accidental firearm discharge are at historical lows - a phenomenon resulting in large part to youth firearm training classes put on by the NRA and sportsmen’s clubs. The ISP proposal could actually increase the likelihood of accidental childhood firearm deaths by prohibiting meaning firearm training of children during life stages where it will do the most good.

2. The proposal materially alters the spirit and legislative intent of the state’s safe firearms storage laws. By prohibiting FOID issuance to children under 10, millions of low-risk households would be forced to spend hundreds of millions of dollars to bring their homes into compliance with safe storage laws. At the same time, high-risk households would be unaffected due to ignorance of safe firearm handling procedures and contempt for laws already in force.

3. The proposal denies parents the right to choose when and how their children become involved in hunting and the shooting sports.

4. The proposal would severely damage the state’s hunting heritage by delaying the entry of successive generations into the sport.

ISRA members are encouraged strongly to submit comments on the proposal to the address below.

NOTE: It is very important that you remain polite and respectful when submitting your comments to JCAR about the proposed regulations. Speak strictly to the facts presented above. JCAR is only interested in the matter at hand - whether the minimum age for obtaining a FOID should be set at 10 years of age. Getting off message will not help our cause.

Please send comments on your opposition to this change by October 25, 2007, in writing, to:
Mr. John M. Hosteny
Interim Chief Legal Counsel
Illinois State Police
801 South 7th Street, Suite 1000-S
Post Office Box 19461
Springfield, Illinois 62794-9461

Post this information to any and all Internet bulletin boards or blogs to which you belong.


Here's one I received from a friend of mine today.  It's funning and sad, all at the same time...


 This is a hoot .... sad, because it is TRUE ..... but a hoot!!!!
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following  conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so."

RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...   Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."

Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do, don't you!